Ending A Perfectly Lonely Day

I'm so glad Valentine's Day is over.  I spent most of the day wondering what CT was doing and if he thought about me or our baby at all.  My phone is off (Qwest and I got into a fight and they won and in turn disconnected my shit) so if he tried I wouldn't know.  He has my GrandCentral number though and no message from him there.  Amazingly, it gets easier each day.  I still love him with all of me and I miss him more than I can explain.  I'm devastated.  I know we didn't plan this baby but I didn't expect him to be so cold and mean.  You'd think I got pregnant on a one night stand!  We've known each other 7 years - I don't deserve this.  I've been loyal.  I've been waiting.  I always just knew that we would get married in the end... but this seems to be the end and I don't hear the wedding bells.  I don't hear anything but his voice telling me that I'm weak and that what I thought we had all these years doesn't matter.  I can't believe he thinks so little of me!  I wish I'd known sooner - wish I'd paid attention - wish I'd walked away any number of the times he did.  Oh well - I've got to move on.   

Diva Ren made me a Valentine today!  I almost cried.  I love my baby girl.  She's so special and precious.  When she saw how proud I was she smiled up at me then gave me a big hug and kiss.  It's amazing how much we can communicate even though she doesn't really talk yet.  Those big bright eyes, that one tooth smile and even those huge crocodile tears tell me everything I need to know - exactly what she needs.  I'm worried about how she'll do with the new baby though.  She's the center of EVERYTHING right now!  I don't want her to lose her joy and happiness because she feels left out.  I guess I can only reassure, comfort and love her though.

Today's Gratitude:

Tonight I appreciate my daughter's love and happiness.  I am ever thankful for the roof over our heads and the food in our refrigerator.    I am grateful for the money that has come to catch me up on my bills and take care of my other financial matters.  Thank You!!