My Growing Gems

My babies are growing too fast... Reni is talking clearer every day and while she's not getting a lot of height to herself, she's certainly becoming quite the little lady! Ja is getting LONG. She's only 5 months and already she's almost to tall for her bassinet and trying to drink from my cups!

I just finished peeking in on each of them and giving them their goodnight kisses before I go to sleep. As I was doing so, I got a huge wave of pride over me. I am on welfare, in school and volunteering and I don't have the help or support of either of their fathers, yet my babies don't want for anything! GOD has blessed us so completely! We have more clothes than I can keep up with washing, my girls have toys that are still in the box from Christmas, we have cupboards full of food and besides the girls' diarreah and constipation issues, they are perfectly healthy and strikingly beautiful. I am SO proud.

Some days I feel like the stress is too much to bear and I wonder if all the struggling is really worth it but then I look into their big curious, happy and sparkling eyes and I remember that it's more than woth it. My babies deserve nothing but the best which demands that I be the best that I can be and put forth my 200%.

My gems are growing fast and I'm loving every minute if it. I can't wait until me and my girls are hanging out on the beach at some 5 star resort in the Islands somewhere!

Today's Temp: Negative Fuck You

It's like, 20 below in MN today.

It's so cold that all the positive, happy energy seems to be frozen in between the bare tree branches. But the hot ass negative forces are gliding right through & wreaking havoc. My brother has had major setbacks trying to leave for his tour and was hitting obstacle after obstacle. Both my girls have the hershey squirts - again - and my oldest broke my eyeglasses. Not a big deal except I'm BROKE and got that pair with Medical Assistance who doesn't give breakage protection... UGH!

But you know what, I've read The Secret and watched the movie and I happen to know that if I continue to complain and cry things today will get worse. So... I am going to count my blessings & be grateful for what is wonderful in my world right now, then I'm going to take a nap while my girls are sleeping and when I wake up, I will feel refreshed and energized and ready to accomplish some of my goals for my home. It'll be like I hit the reset button! :-)

With that... - I am grateful for a home to live in when the temp in MN is so fridgid. I am grateful to have a running car in case I need to go to the store and I am especially grateful that I have a heated garage to park it in! I am so very thankful for my beautiful baby girls, with their bright eyes and loving smiles to motivate me everyday! I am thankful for my old glasses to wear until I get the new ones fixed. I am also grateful for GOD becuase through him all things are possible which means I don't have to worry about a thing!

This Is Not A Drill!

This is not easy. Actually - it's pretty damn hard. I have a million things to do and very little time and energy. I'm always tired and I HATE that. When I'm tired my brain feels foggy and I can't focus. I lose track of time and don't get important things done.

Yet - I have this fire inside me for a better life. I want more for myself and even more than that for my girls. Every day I look at my vision board and I just KNOW that I'll get things under control soon. I KNOW I have it in me! My biggest problem is that this is soo slow going. I want instant gratification. I want to be able to say that I've achieved these goals right now and I know it'll take at least a year. But - this is the year. My year. Every year I say that I'm going to make changes and every year I've fallen short - but not in 2009. This is it - the real deal.

My new incantation for 2009 is the words of one of my favorite comedians - Money Mike, "This is NOT a drill!! This shit is real!!"